Oh, tis Love...

I purchased a love calendar over the holidays, to get my daily dose of a "love quote" every day in 2010. Lewis Carroll popped his two cents worth into my Wednesday morning with: "Oh, tis love, tis love that makes the world go 'round."

And I thought, really? I mean, come on, what about Kander and Ebb's "money money money money, money makes the world go around, the world go around..."? Or how about the Beatles' "the best things in life are free, but you can give em to the birds and bees...I want money."

I guess my thoughts immediately turned to money because, well, I tend to never have any. And I also tend to stress about it. This whole "letting go of my old self to make way for my new character" is really tough not only because of the whole concept of it, but because of the money thing, and the lack of it. And while I can go around singing "Love love me do" or "All you need is love" (and truly want to believe it) some days, some WEEKS actually, make me crazy for money, not love.

This week started out as one of "those weeks", and by Wednesday (today), well, I was just up to my ears in bad mood land. How dare Lewis Carroll slap me in the face with love when all I need is just more cash, and a good man to hold me!! The depression that comes with not having money can also make you hungry for love, but yet, makes it difficult to find exactly what kind of love you need. This week, starting when I woke up on the wrong side of Monday, I managed to get love from the simplest of places, yet in the purest form. And the kind of love that I was craving was not the kind that fed me, although I wanted it to.

I am a rather lonely gal right now, but I am trying to hold onto something stronger than I can understand. I am holding on to the One who's desire is to draw me close to Him and for me to hang on. While the thought of this simple statement floors me when I think about it, I still get the little devil in my ear, whispering, "oh, but your misery, your misery is what makes your world go 'round"...

I celebrated a birthday with my favorite customer yesterday and it gave me a dose of love...he mostly shares thoughts and words with me, but those hours in my days make my work so much lighter. He takes care of my co-workers and myself and yet, he feels like he is on the receiving end. He is giving love to me and showing God's love to others. Thanks Tom. Today, I cooked dinner for some lovely gals and they came and shared their presence with me. Love feeding #2. Thanks Toni, Lara and Tracie. (Oh and thanks Mama & Daddy for getting me a Vita-Mix for Christmas...I made quiche, muffin mix, banana waffle mix and a thai fruit drink all in it tonight! This was definitely an act of LOVE.)

Just in those couple hours out of each day, there was very little time to worry about money. There was very little time to think about going to sleep alone. My mind was not racing with thoughts of what I am sure NOT to get on Valentine's Day this year. Those moments reminded me, everything on this earth is ALL God's anyway. Money, people, hearts...And the love, well, the Love from Him is really all you need. Just love.

I continue my spiritual journey- gladly embracing all of this love I am given and hungry for more, yet, hoping I will be giving it more and more as time goes by. I strive on and grip firm to my faith for strength in my loneliest moments, and search for those little loving hours in EVERY minute of my days...let me see those more. The little love filled hours... Let me see them and embrace them with my sorrow, I pray...


http://www.igracemusic.com/hymnbook/demos/JesusIMyCrossHaveTaken.mp3