love never fails you

Another day of hearts has passed, and I must say I feel fine. I feel fine indeed.

I know I am not completely "fine" along the lines of my great sadness, but I am seeking and searching, and I know I am doing a FINE job in those aspects. I know because I am finally moving in the RIGHT direction! Hallelujah. Since my alone time with God, I see my life in a different light. Or rather, I see light in almost everything in my life. Nothing is the same in my heart since that weekend of being cooped up with the dogs and God. My prayers seem to have taken a turn for the better and I am learning how to really talk to God. Music falls on my ears with more clarity and complexion. I look at myself in the mirror and enjoy seeing the very small changes in my face- my eyes, mouth, lips and cheeks- all seem to "reflect" and "dance" a little more every day. I look forward to being alone, because I know then I am closer to God and our talks. I look forward to seeing friends because I know I am changing and I know they will see the change. Maybe not now, but they will! I look forward to speaking less and acting more.

Each day, I wake up with a sense of purpose, and even though I am far from healing in the land of all my mistakes, I am nurturing my wounds with a Higher Power.

I thought yesterday would be tough. I had been preparing myself for the dramatic wishing of flowers and a sweet valentine's day card. Or a sweet kiss. Or a romantic dinner. Or just a touch. I knew none of these things would happen, and I was ready to be a little sad, embrace my loneliness and go on. The sadness did not come right away. I attended the early service at my church and I was amazed, as I have been over and over again in this journey, at how God is working in my heart. The pastor's sermon was about men preparing to be good husbands. A book called "Wild At Heart" was referenced several times throughout the sermon. This particular book has been a part of a personal battlefield with me and various relationships at different stages of my life. Most recently, with the love I just lost. I prayed for him, just like I do every single day. But, then, I prayed for me. I prayed and I praised- thankful and releasing it all to God, as I do every day since the weekend of my most intimate encounter with God.

After the sermon, the offering was taken up, and a young artist sang an original song called "Love Never Fails" based on the verse in 1 Corinthians. It was as if God scooped me up and rocked me right there in my seat. There was the embrace! There was the love I needed. It's all I needed...

The rest of my Valentine's Day was spent enjoying scrumptious food with a dear friend and then coming back home to write and then off to work. I arrived joyful, but halfway through my shift, I felt the sadness. There it was. I felt it with great heaviness. I let myself feel it all the way up until I got back home. I knew I had to feel it, and I knew I could feel it without going too deeply into it, because God was still holding me. I fell asleep releasing it and awaiting the morning...another morning to know more about the greater love that never ceases to fail me.

Yes, I have a love that never leaves me, and He is teaching me to fly; preparing me in the waiting for greater, truer earthly love and enormous heavenly love in my future...

Hallelujah.

Brandon Heath- Love Never Fails